Understanding the Importance of Active Listening by Channon Goodwin
The reality of the other person is not in what he reveals to you, but in what he cannot reveal to you. Therefore, if you would understand him, listen not to what he says but rather, to what he does not say – Anonymous.
Communication skills are an integral part of any recruiter's career. While we often hear about the importance of written and verbal communication skills, seldom do we hear about the true importance of listening.
Listening is described by most communication experts as the quintessential communication skill. Poor listening skills are often the biggest contributor to overall poor communication.
As recruitment consultants, our need to communicate verbally is paramount, however, our first task should be to listen. Tuning out or simply hearing a message, aside from being rude and unprofessional, will hinder your success - How many opportunities have you overlooked because you simply didn't listen?
Listening Styles …. The Do’s and Don’ts!
There are many different styles of listening that experts in various fields refer to. For the purpose of understanding the importance of active listening and its positive impact on our success as a consultant, we are going to look at four main styles and how they are defined;
THE DON’TS:
Inactive Listening – This is where you are hearing the words but your mind may be wandering. The old age adage “in one ear and out the other” can best describe inactive listening.
Selective Listening – This is where you hear only what you want to hear. Selective listening occurs when you have already begun formulating your opinion or response when the speaker is still delivering the message.
Active Listening –
As an active listener, you listen not only to the content but to the intent of the message as well. You listen with interest and also listen for any emotion that may attached to the speakers words. Most importantly, you are non judgmental and you are empathetic.
Reflective Listening – This is also active listening but you add the task of clarifying what the speaker is saying to ensure a mutual understanding.
You need to break the message down in order to understand it and more importantly, you need to bring your reflective listening skills into play by asking appropriate questions that clarify the message in your mind and check for mutual understanding.
10 Steps to Better Listening (Jacqueline Whitmore)
Jacqueline Whitmore, who runs a coaching firm in the U.S.A has written a book called Business Class: Etiquette Essentials for Success at Work. In it, she suggests 10 steps to better listening.
1. Ask pertinent questions. "When you want to understand what someone is trying to say, ask clarifying questions like, 'If I hear you correctly, you are saying (fill in the blank)...Is that right?' " says Whitmore. Don't hesitate to ask for specific details and examples if the person's point is still not clear. Whitmore states that, "Questions are the hallmark of a good listener."
2. Practice empathic listening. Quoting Stephen Covey's observation that "most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply," Whitmore adds: "The highest form of listening is when you strive to understand how the speaker feels. You don't have to agree or even sympathize, but you can better identify with what's being said if you use your emotions as well as your intellect."
3. Listen with more than just your ears. "Nodding occasionally, making eye contact, taking notes, and being fully engaged all demonstrate genuine concern for the person you're speaking with," notes Whitmore. "Watch his or her facial expressions, eye contact, and hand gestures" to pick up on unspoken messages.
4. Share personal stories. Telling a short anecdote about something from your own life that's relevant to the discussion helps to break the ice, and makes you seem "more approachable and down-to-earth. Whitmore reflects ,"Perhaps that's why our society is so fascinated by reality television shows that feature celebrities. We want to know that they're real people too."
5. Paint a visual picture. Creating a visual image of what the other person is saying, Whitmore advises, "will help you follow what's being said and remember it later on."
6. Don't interrupt. Whitmore notes that many bright, talented businesspeople interrupt or finish other people's sentences without realizing it. Unless the building is on fire or some other urgent need arises, let people finish what they're saying before you pipe up.
7. Pause before you reply. "Silence, the white space of communication, has a commanding impact. It makes people wonder what you're going to say next," Whitmore observes. Don't be afraid to leave some "white spaces" in the conversation. As my dad always told me, "Nobody ever learns anything while they're talking." And of course, a couple of beats of quiet also give you time to consider carefully what you're going to say before you come out with it, which is never a bad thing.
8. Eliminate distractions. Don't try to discuss an important subject while either you or the other person is distracted by other tasks. Suggest setting another time to talk, when both of you can concentrate on the topic at hand.
9. Speak with a purpose. "Have you noticed that some of the world's most brilliant people speak only when they have something important or profound to say?" asks Whitmore. "When these people talk, we all listen. It's often what we don't say that makes a greater impression on others than what we do say."
10. Don't give unsolicited advice. "Some people may appreciate your words of wisdom, but others will get defensive and think you're trying to change them," warns Whitmore. "One day a colleague told me about some of her career frustrations and, after hearing just a few sentences, I started giving her my advice. Later, I learned that she was upset with me because I had missed the fact that she really just wanted me to be a sounding board." Whitmore's wise conclusion? "Sometimes it's better to give advice only when you're being paid for it." Or at least, only when someone has specifically asked for your opinion.
A Tool for Greater Success.
By embracing the techniques as described by Jacqueline Whitmore and by making a real effort to establish genuine lines of communication, you will sow many seeds for the future.
You will create long term business partnerships and will further build your networks, and, as a recruitment consultant, your networks within the industry are nothing short of priceless.
Active listening is your tool for building greater success and opportunities really do knock for those who listen!
Really listening and suspending one's own judgment is necessary in order to understand other people on their own terms... This is a process that requires trust and builds trust - Mary Field Belenky